NIGERIANS, NAGS AND NEW WAYS TO LOSE MONEY

At the risk of turning the blog into a rant I will update you on another one of my misfortunes, although this one doesn't really have me smiling in retrospect like my various immigration infringements do.

So, to take it back to Shanghai briefly, I went out on a bit of a big one (as you do) with all items in their correct places in my pocket, until I notice that my phone was missing - cue me being annoyed and generally poor company for a while whilst I mope about the loss of such a recent and expensive purchase.

Tried calling it several times and after leaving it ringing it was then turned off later. Some lucky boy or girl has a new toy to cash in to the value one months wages. Nice.
So, up the next morning I get out of the apartment and head straight out to get another one. On programming all the usual junk I keep on my phone into the new one (umpa lumpa ringtone and other such mature things) I notice my old phone staring at me from underneath a pile of well placed clothes on the floor.

After wondering how the hell the phone got there and all that stuff, I was pleased to see it again and promptly told what an idiot (or harsher words to that effect) I am for not actually losing it. It's still a mystery how it got back there, but instead I settled on trying to sell the new handset on ebay, given the fact that 'refund' probably means the same thing in Chinese as 'unicorn', 'a quick beer' or other such things that clearly don't exist.

After several frustrating attempts to sell the thing on ebay, from countless timewasters using the question facility to try and sell me something to the team of Nigerians constantly trying to buy it and have it shipped over to Nigeria as a gift.

After all of this messing about, the subject is familiar to me but those who don';t know what I mean just google 'ebay Nigeria scam' and you can read about thousands of people fleeced by these halfwits.

Why do these people always pick Nigeria to ship these items to? Is ebay scammer the hot job right now over there??

On a more positive note, I have also found another item to add to my list of significant (to me only) discoveries. Pub Poker.

After nearly a year of corrupting as many people as possible with the game, and perhaps taking the odd financial benefit in terms of poker winnings in the process, it mostly came to a grinding halt in Australia.

A few pubs on my alcohol filled wanders around the city advertised the odd game here or there, although the pubs offering such events reminded me of the home pub of one of my old football teams...the sort of charming venue where toothless women in tracksuits shout obscenities at the fruit machine and merely standing next to someone at the bar prompts a tale from their life story....to which I can relate to none of, having never been 'put away' or in a 'bit of a bother'.

So, fearing one of these conversations I steered clear for now, until the actual discover of the National Poker League! This is at www.npl.com.au for those who really want to see what I'm talking about, although basically it's just an organised league (clue is in the name) around various pubs in Aus, of which many are in Sydney, and a handful within walking distance of my house! Awesome.

So after, my first rather nervous outing , and a disappointing 14th place, I have made it to the final table at my following 2 attempts, albeit getting cracked by what's known in the trade as 'spawny gits'.

Bad beat stories will not get published at this time as I've ranted enough I think. I will update you on any significant progress, although will keep the poker subject to a minimum as I usually bore everyone with to tears with my findings on everything to do with the game.
So onto gambling of another sort then. Not getting into bed without checking for spiders or any real gambling - just the horses. The racing variety I mean of course, not that any would fit under my bed without having first to evict the shoe collection!

One of the more obvious traits of Australian culture is the love for all things gambling, whether it's the betting offices (called TABS 's whatever that means) or the high stakes fruit machines called 'pokeys' there are literally a million methods for me to illustrate my abysmal luck in new and exciting ways.

The horses is an obvious choice as it means I get to throw sunshine and alcohol into the mix with the gambling, so last weekend was my second trip to the races, located about 3kms from my place. Excellent.

So, awesome weather, better beer and shocking luck all combined as predicted into another good day out, culminating in a trip to the harbour to enjoy more of the former 2. It's always a very long day out when the races Start at 12.00, as does the drinking, making Sunday an equally very short day!

There's something not quite right about being in a bar with other race goers and thinking to yourself that you should really move on from the bar as it will be closing soon and onto a club - only to glance at your watch and realise it's not even 7pm yet! Oh dear.

Anyway, pics are form the day before it all got a bit massive and all sense of time became sketchy at best.

NUTTER ENCLOSURES, DAVID COPPERFIELD AND THE WORST BBQ EVER

As the constant flow of SBE's from a personal perspective are dropping to almost 'average' levels, I'm in danger of having little misfortune or misadventure to report, so I thought I'd share some of the more significant occurrences in my 9 to 5 life of late, entertaining or not.

The shininess and newness of work has revealed itself to be the usual dull and old existence I remember it as, although perhaps I compare this unfairly with the experiences of this year so can't I be so harsh.

In truth, for all it's mundaneness and mediocrity, working life isn't so bad and the thankfully short ride in the 'bus shaped nutter enclosure' every morning passes with ease, although come winter time myself and the surrounding asylum escapists won't be quite so pleased.

Why is it that the bus is the favoured mode of transport for societies more 'unique' citizens? Even in England you can spot men with psychiatric patient sideburns (half way up their head) and people desperate to talk to the person next to them about anything and everything. Will leave that alone at the risk of prizing the can of worms open further.

Being in a tech industry I am slowly coming to terms with all the TLA's (three letter acronyms) meaning that only about 97% of all meetings sound like they're in Arabic...progress indeed.

On the social front, I am proud to announce that I was one of the co-hosts of Sydney worst BBQ party ever. One of my housemates (one of the Lizzie's) decided to celebrate her 26th consecutive year on the planet with a houseparty at our place with a BBQ, and on a Tuesday night.

Nice I thought, my first BBQ party of the year and at mine, no mazy walks home at stupid O' clock and I know where the bathrooms are, Tuesday night isn't so good but I'll take it easy and do some of the BBQ.

In our wisdom, given the lack of BBQ we purchased some large disposable type BBQ's to set up outside, given the fact that we didn't want to buy a big one for just one event and that they're easy peasy.....no prizes for guessing where this story goes!

So, cue everyone over the house and a few of the guys start to get these babies cooking, only to discover that they have all the ferocity and firepower of a tea light candle, leaving 5kg of beef burgers looking like mission impossible.

This is the point when any on looking guy within half a mile radius of said inferno suddenly becomes a pyro-technician (myself included), knowing instantly what the problem is and how to solve it with a lengthy and complicated plan that no one listens to. This repeated for about half an hour, involving walking around in crouched positions, smashing rocks together, picking things up and smelling them, and any other type of caveman behaviour that you can think of. Better get the oven going then.

Besides the complete shambles of the BBQ itself, the rest of the party more than made up for it, as testified to my sore head on the way to work Wednesday morning, and regaining full consciousness at some point that evening.

To continue the party theme, my recent business lunch also proved to be quite an amusing event, and another random one to chalk up. Friday lunchtime was a group lunch outing to celebrate a 10 year service for one of the team, which given the employee demographic is a newcomer.

Italian restaurant in a nice little complex, sounds all good. The good or bad thing I find about such work things is that there is an effort to steer the conversation off work topics,leaving it as the back up for shocking topics or uncomfortable silences.

Sadly, this back up is not always effective...when sat in the restaurant it became apparent by a colleagues fixation on the far wall that something was going on, and to turn my head I noticed there was a "David Copperfield 15 years of magic" DVD playing on loop. A bit strange for an Italian restaurant I thought, but whatever.

David has a lot to answer for now I think, as my colleagues fixation and energy was now absorbed into trying to convince me how great he was, and how I should get a copy of this DVD as they so wisely had years previous.

This then progressed into the next hour of my life, nodding politely at the orange god of illusion, occasionally broken up with some business talk. It all basically culminated in said person trying to give me procurement advice whilst simultaneously explaining that David Copperfield can fly without the need for any wires!!!

You know you are in a strange place when someone whilst someone attempts to steer you on the more technical aspects of your career, whilst retaining beliefs that most 6 year olds barely cling to! Names have been concealed to protect the guilty.

On the more positive side, I have made one of the discoveries of all time (all time in Oz so far anyway) in that on an accidental all dayer last Saturday, I accidentally discovered a bottlo (off license to those who prefer to use whole English words as I do) that sells Beer Lao. It has to be purchased there and then.

Not much of a big deal to those reading this perhaps, but to me and my appreciation of such a fine beverage (and it's limited supply) this was big news indeed. Pictures enclosed of me going 'old school' and enjoying some in the park sat on a bench. With my outdoor surroundings it almost felt like I was 15, urm 18 again.

I will try to get some in my case for those who want to try it upon my brief return to UK next month. That may a serious blog entry of amusing events, I hope so!

More things to come before my grand voyage, including details of that itself....until then.
Pics attched of me sticking to to the Aussies street cricket style, from my recent trip to the coast south of Sydney. Also notice my beer by the stumps - not a single activity here is done with a beer close at hand. Awesome. On the subject of alcohol a pic is also enclosed of the finest wine I think I have ever had the pleasure oof consuming...all in the branding I reckon.

PS - Doesn't it get ever so warm this time of year?